1- The difference between a pigeon and an investment banker?
The pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW.
2- I really need to start meeting my goals. Can someone introduce me to them?
3- Sehwag is the 1st HUMAN to hit a Double Century(219) in ODIs;
Earlier it was hit by GOD(Sachin Tendulkar).
4- Don't mix between my personality and my attitude because my personality is ME and my attitude depends on YOU.
5- A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word `beans`.
`My father grows beans,` said one student.
`My father cooks beans,` said another.
Pappu: We are all human beans.
6- A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
7- `Will be ready in 5 minutes` of a woman and `Will call you back in 5 minutes` of a man are the same.
8- If couples who are in love are called 'Love Birds';
Then couples who always argue, should be called 'Angry Birds'
9- What's the difference between a guy who lost everything in Las Vegas and an investment banker?
A tie
10- I signed up for a well known diet plan. So far, all I've lost 1000 bucks.
11- We all make mistakes in our life.
But
.
.
..
.
.
WIFE and BOSS only has art of finding it, remembering it and reminding it.
12- Routine of Holidays:
.
.
.
Sleep till you are hungry;
Eat till you are sleepy.
13- Wish of a girl these days:
I don’t want any prince charming coming on a white horse.
I would rather prefer a vampire coming in a BMW!
14- Height of hygiene:
A computer student washing his hands with Dettol after removing a virus from his system.
15- Okay. Okay. Okay. Aaalright. Okay. Okay, Bye. Okay. Bye. Okay. Okay..
.
.
.
.
Santa on the phone with wife.
16- PIZZA always confuses me:
-Square box.
-Round pizza.
-Triangle slices.
17- An intelligent wife is one who makes sure she spends so much that her husband can't afford another woman.
18- Why do girls look beautiful? Is it real or due to make-up?
All false, girls look beautiful because boys have good imagination.
19- Can a woman make you a millionaire?
Yes! Only if you are a billionaire.
20- Next year, the Kingfisher calendar will be even better since they don't have money to buy even bikinis for models.
21- His drinks are with us whenever we are sad or happy. Now he needs us. Please save Mallaya`s kingfisher air. Drink his liquid gold above your normal capacity
22- A doctor implanted a new ear in a patient.
Man: Wat u did 2 me, you gave me a woman`s ear.
Doctor: It makes no difference, both r d same.
Man: No, it does. Now I can hear everything but understand nothing.
23- A little girl was frantically praying in the Church: Oh God! Please make Moscow the Capital of China!
The priest enquired: Why must you pray so, my child?
Girl: That`s what I have written in my answer sheet in the examination!
24- Human brain is the most outstanding object in world.
It functions 24 hrs a day, 365 days a year. It functions right from the time we are born, and stops only when we enter the examination hall.
25- Height of Begging:
A sleeping beggar puts up a placard in front of him:
Please do not make noise by dropping coins. Offer notes.
26- Women's tongues and men's eyes rest only when they die!
27- Dear Math,
I am sick and tired of finding your `X`. Just accept the fact that she is gone. Move on, Dude!
28- Wives are magicians, they can change anything into an argument!
29- A man was granted 2 wishes by God,
He asked for the best drink & the best woman ever.
Next moment, he got mineral water & Mother Teresa.
Moral: BE SPECIFIC!
30- A beggar found Rs 100/-. He went to a 5 star hotel for dinner-Bill Rs 3000/-.
Manager handed him to police.
He gave Rs 100/- to police and free.
It's called Financial Management without MBA.
31- As Steve Jobs is now in Heaven, the Apsaras are now called Items!
32- Most touching lines said by a true lover to his love while Break up:
`Of all the lies you told me, `I Love You` was my Favourite`.
33- Trust is the most important part of a relationship.
You must be 100% sure that she won't tell your wife
34- I love Sony TV Channel:
it keeps my wife QUIET and CALM....
35- When someone touches u and u don't feel it, it's Ignorance. When someone touches you and you feel, it's Love. When nobody touches you but you feel it, it's Khujli (Itching).
36- What`s common between clouds and wife?
When both are not around, we call it a bright day.
37- Do you know y women love to SEND SMS?
Because it forces men to read stuff they would never listen to in person!
38- Why are Pathans the best watchmen?
Bcoz they sniff (naswaar) like dogs.
39- Preeto: Oh, wow! You have a new car, a new mansion, new clothes & new jewellery! Your husband has changed jobs?
Jeeto: No, I changed husband!
40- Misery of a teacher:
I don`t mind when students look at their watch during lectures, but I get angry when they remove their watch & shake it to see if it`s working.
41- Red-head: What is ten plus ten?
Blonde: Too much tan.
42- Teacher: Which was the first silent film in Urdu? Pappu: If the film was silent, how could you know it was in Urdu!
43- Modern day break up:
Girl: I wanna break up with you.
Boy: Why?.
Girl: Bcoz you didn`t comment on my picture.
44- School:
A place where papa pays & son plays.
45- An idea can change your life but a woman can change your idea.
So, always change women to change ideas.
What an Idea!
46- Enter PASSWORD to touch my heart;
WRONG Password!
You have touched my feet.
Anyway, God Bless You!
47- Steve Jobs is now working with God to make iWife:
Beauty with brains and Mute button.
48- Guddi: I am in love with the neighbor so I am running away with him.
Santa: Thanks, you have saved my money & time.
Guddi: Dad, I am reading the letter left by Mom!
49- If Child Labour is crime
.
..
.
.
.
Then why do teachers give Homework?
50- At a railway station, a beggar meets another beggar while a software engineer meets another software engineer.
Both of them ask the same question to each other, `So, which platform are you working on?`
The pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW.
2- I really need to start meeting my goals. Can someone introduce me to them?
3- Sehwag is the 1st HUMAN to hit a Double Century(219) in ODIs;
Earlier it was hit by GOD(Sachin Tendulkar).
4- Don't mix between my personality and my attitude because my personality is ME and my attitude depends on YOU.
5- A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word `beans`.
`My father grows beans,` said one student.
`My father cooks beans,` said another.
Pappu: We are all human beans.
6- A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
7- `Will be ready in 5 minutes` of a woman and `Will call you back in 5 minutes` of a man are the same.
8- If couples who are in love are called 'Love Birds';
Then couples who always argue, should be called 'Angry Birds'
9- What's the difference between a guy who lost everything in Las Vegas and an investment banker?
A tie
10- I signed up for a well known diet plan. So far, all I've lost 1000 bucks.
11- We all make mistakes in our life.
But
.
.
..
.
.
WIFE and BOSS only has art of finding it, remembering it and reminding it.
12- Routine of Holidays:
.
.
.
Sleep till you are hungry;
Eat till you are sleepy.
13- Wish of a girl these days:
I don’t want any prince charming coming on a white horse.
I would rather prefer a vampire coming in a BMW!
14- Height of hygiene:
A computer student washing his hands with Dettol after removing a virus from his system.
15- Okay. Okay. Okay. Aaalright. Okay. Okay, Bye. Okay. Bye. Okay. Okay..
.
.
.
.
Santa on the phone with wife.
16- PIZZA always confuses me:
-Square box.
-Round pizza.
-Triangle slices.
17- An intelligent wife is one who makes sure she spends so much that her husband can't afford another woman.
18- Why do girls look beautiful? Is it real or due to make-up?
All false, girls look beautiful because boys have good imagination.
19- Can a woman make you a millionaire?
Yes! Only if you are a billionaire.
20- Next year, the Kingfisher calendar will be even better since they don't have money to buy even bikinis for models.
21- His drinks are with us whenever we are sad or happy. Now he needs us. Please save Mallaya`s kingfisher air. Drink his liquid gold above your normal capacity
22- A doctor implanted a new ear in a patient.
Man: Wat u did 2 me, you gave me a woman`s ear.
Doctor: It makes no difference, both r d same.
Man: No, it does. Now I can hear everything but understand nothing.
23- A little girl was frantically praying in the Church: Oh God! Please make Moscow the Capital of China!
The priest enquired: Why must you pray so, my child?
Girl: That`s what I have written in my answer sheet in the examination!
24- Human brain is the most outstanding object in world.
It functions 24 hrs a day, 365 days a year. It functions right from the time we are born, and stops only when we enter the examination hall.
25- Height of Begging:
A sleeping beggar puts up a placard in front of him:
Please do not make noise by dropping coins. Offer notes.
26- Women's tongues and men's eyes rest only when they die!
27- Dear Math,
I am sick and tired of finding your `X`. Just accept the fact that she is gone. Move on, Dude!
28- Wives are magicians, they can change anything into an argument!
29- A man was granted 2 wishes by God,
He asked for the best drink & the best woman ever.
Next moment, he got mineral water & Mother Teresa.
Moral: BE SPECIFIC!
30- A beggar found Rs 100/-. He went to a 5 star hotel for dinner-Bill Rs 3000/-.
Manager handed him to police.
He gave Rs 100/- to police and free.
It's called Financial Management without MBA.
31- As Steve Jobs is now in Heaven, the Apsaras are now called Items!
32- Most touching lines said by a true lover to his love while Break up:
`Of all the lies you told me, `I Love You` was my Favourite`.
33- Trust is the most important part of a relationship.
You must be 100% sure that she won't tell your wife
34- I love Sony TV Channel:
it keeps my wife QUIET and CALM....
35- When someone touches u and u don't feel it, it's Ignorance. When someone touches you and you feel, it's Love. When nobody touches you but you feel it, it's Khujli (Itching).
36- What`s common between clouds and wife?
When both are not around, we call it a bright day.
37- Do you know y women love to SEND SMS?
Because it forces men to read stuff they would never listen to in person!
38- Why are Pathans the best watchmen?
Bcoz they sniff (naswaar) like dogs.
39- Preeto: Oh, wow! You have a new car, a new mansion, new clothes & new jewellery! Your husband has changed jobs?
Jeeto: No, I changed husband!
40- Misery of a teacher:
I don`t mind when students look at their watch during lectures, but I get angry when they remove their watch & shake it to see if it`s working.
41- Red-head: What is ten plus ten?
Blonde: Too much tan.
42- Teacher: Which was the first silent film in Urdu? Pappu: If the film was silent, how could you know it was in Urdu!
43- Modern day break up:
Girl: I wanna break up with you.
Boy: Why?.
Girl: Bcoz you didn`t comment on my picture.
44- School:
A place where papa pays & son plays.
45- An idea can change your life but a woman can change your idea.
So, always change women to change ideas.
What an Idea!
46- Enter PASSWORD to touch my heart;
WRONG Password!
You have touched my feet.
Anyway, God Bless You!
47- Steve Jobs is now working with God to make iWife:
Beauty with brains and Mute button.
48- Guddi: I am in love with the neighbor so I am running away with him.
Santa: Thanks, you have saved my money & time.
Guddi: Dad, I am reading the letter left by Mom!
49- If Child Labour is crime
.
..
.
.
.
Then why do teachers give Homework?
50- At a railway station, a beggar meets another beggar while a software engineer meets another software engineer.
Both of them ask the same question to each other, `So, which platform are you working on?`
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