1- Man outside phone booth: Excuse me, you have been holding the phone for more than 45 minutes and you haven't spoken even a single word.
Man inside: Sir I'm talking to my wife.
2- Girl: What are you doing?
Boy: I was working with The Times of India but now I left.
Girl: Oh god, why?
Boy: It's very difficult to get up early in the morning everyday and distribute newspapers
3- Economical thought:
'The best line which helps to save money when going on dinner with your GF.
`Bol kya khaayegi Moti?`
4- I want to share everything with you. Your JOYS, Your SADNESS, Your HAPPY MOMENTS, every single second of day. Let us start with your ATM Password 1st.
5- Teacher: What r the people of Turkey called?
Pappu: I don`t know.
Teacher: They r called Turks. Now What r the people of Germany called?
Pappu: They r called Germs.
6- Height of insult:
Girl msgs her BF:
Jaan, I can`t live without u.Will u marry me ???
Reply comes:
Who`s this? I lost all my contacts.
7- Yoga teacher to Jeeto: Has yoga any effect over your husband’s drinking habit?
Jeeto: Yes, an amazing funny effect! Now he drinks the whole bottle standing upside down over his head.
8- Message by a confused alarm clock:
Dear Humans,
.
.
..
You get mad when I wake you up; and you also get mad when I don't wake u. So what is that you exactly want from ME?
9- Problem with boys: They make you think they love you, when they don’t.
Problem with girls: They make u think they don’t love you, when they do
10- There is a small gap between confidence and over-confidence,
You can kiss your boyfriend is confidence,
Only you can kiss your boyfriend is over-confidence.
11- Woman sitting on a park bench:
Beggar: Hi Darling! Let's have some fun!
Woman (Angrily): How dare you?
Beggar: Then what are you doing on my bed?
12- News in a local newspaper:
5 boys, aged 23-25 caught in park. They were teasing a 50 years old lady who had gone for a morning walk!
Next day, that park was packed with aunties age between 45-55.
13- Asoftware engineer was smoking.
Girl: Didnt you see the warning? Smoking is injurious to health.
Er.: We bother only about errors & not warnings.
14- After a few drinks man goes naughty, blabbers & shouts like an animal, fights without reasons, demands unnecessarily & simply irritates.
But a woman can do all this without drinks!
15- Teacher: Whoever answers my next question can go home.
Pappu throws bag out of the window.
Teacher: Who threw that?
Pappu: Me, I`m going home.
16- A one line advertisement by a Married Man in a newspaper:
For Sale: Wedding suit, worn only once by mistake.
17- The reason women love military men? It's NOT the uniform. They can cook, clean, make beds and sew, but above all: they know how to follow orders.
18- How would you justify having 2 girlfriends at a time?
Monopoly is always damaging & competition improves service!
19- They say so many people die because of alcohol..
Perhaps they never realized how many of them are born because of it.
20- Mobile phones are the 2nd best thing used 4 gossips,
WOMEN still are ranked 1st.
21- Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
2nd Marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
22- I fear the man who drinks 'water' as he remembers the next morning, what the rest of us said the previous night!
23- Extremely Important News!!! :
Dear friends,
Do not eat Ferrero Rocher or Cadbury Chocolates;
and Haagen Daaz and Ben & Jerry Ice Creams or Magnum products .....
.
.
..
..
WITHOUT ME.
24- Nurse to patient with bleeding head: Your name?
Patient: Santa.
Nurse: Birth Date?
Patient: 28 Feb 1985.
Nurse: Married?
Patient: No Car Accident.
25- 3 Apples changed the world:
1st one seduced Eve,
2nd awakened Newton
and
the 3rd one Apple iphone.
26- A girl fell in love with a boy at 2nd sight, because at 1st sight, she did'nt know that
...
.
.
..
he has Audi Q7!
27- Man meets friend and notices he`s wearing an earring. When did you start wearing earrings?
Friend: Ever since my wife found it in my car.
28- I and my girlfriend are having a communication problem.
Every time I give her a call, her husband answers the phone!
29- What is old age?
When you start turning off lights for economical reasons rather than romantic reasons.
30- There's no such a thing as a happy single women, they are all just wives-in-training.
31- One day God erased a husband's memory & asked: Do you remember anyone now?
He told his wife`s name.
God smiled and said: Reformatted, but still the virus is not removed.
32- Height of Technical Thinking:
A software engineer falling from the roof of a building and shouting-F1 F1 F1, instead of Help Help Help!
33- Teacher: Where is the capital of India?
Pappu: In Swiss Banks...
34- Indian Cricket team also supports Anna Hazare - They have decided not to win even a single Test match, until the Jan Lokpal bill is passed.
35- The best gifts to be given:
To a Friend-Honesty;
To an Enemy-Forgiveness;
To Parents-Gratefulness;
To God-your Life;
To me- your Sony Vaio, iPhone, Car, etc. etc.
36- Your smile can be compared to a flower;
Your voice can be compared to a cuckoo;
Your innocence to a child;
But in stupidity u have no comparison, u r the best.
37- Break-up Letter:
"When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broke-up, I think it's time you keep your promise!
38- In this World:
On an average, a person tells 4 lies/day....1460 a year!!
and the most common LIE is.........
`I AM FINE!`
39- Q: How do you know when a woman is going to say something intelligent?
A: When she starts her sentence with, `My husband told me.`
40- This is not fair! How could u do this? Didn't expect this from you! Got a whole Channel on your name and didn't even tell me?
Animal Planet!
41- Teacher: Why is your nose red?
Johnny: I smelled a b-rose.
Teacher: But there is no "b" in rose.
Johnny: There was in this one!
42- The key to surviving a stock market crash is liquidity.
So I'm off to the bar.
43- Remember 2 remember me, forget to forget me. Even if u try to remember to forget me, I'll never forget to remember to remind u to remember me.
44- Fact of life: One woman brings you into this world crying & the other ensures you continue to do so for the rest of your life!
45- What is the new definition of LIQUIDITY in many countries today?
When you look at your investments and wet your pants.
46- A rabbit runs & jumps and lives only for 15 years. A turtle doesn't run, does nothing, yet lives for 100 years.
Moral: Exercise is hell! Just sleep well!
47- Why couldn`t the Santa write the number `eleven`?
He didn`t know which `one` came first.
48- Two friends were attending a boring lecture.
1st friend: It`s so boring, even my bum has fallen asleep.
2nd friend: I know, I heard it snoring 3 times.
49- Teacher: Write down how will you create a Binary Tree?
Pappu: By sowing a binary seed.
50- What has two grey legs and two brown legs?
An elephant with diarrhoea.
Man inside: Sir I'm talking to my wife.
2- Girl: What are you doing?
Boy: I was working with The Times of India but now I left.
Girl: Oh god, why?
Boy: It's very difficult to get up early in the morning everyday and distribute newspapers
3- Economical thought:
'The best line which helps to save money when going on dinner with your GF.
`Bol kya khaayegi Moti?`
4- I want to share everything with you. Your JOYS, Your SADNESS, Your HAPPY MOMENTS, every single second of day. Let us start with your ATM Password 1st.
5- Teacher: What r the people of Turkey called?
Pappu: I don`t know.
Teacher: They r called Turks. Now What r the people of Germany called?
Pappu: They r called Germs.
6- Height of insult:
Girl msgs her BF:
Jaan, I can`t live without u.
Reply comes:
Who`s this? I lost all my contacts.
7- Yoga teacher to Jeeto: Has yoga any effect over your husband’s drinking habit?
Jeeto: Yes, an amazing funny effect! Now he drinks the whole bottle standing upside down over his head.
8- Message by a confused alarm clock:
Dear Humans,
.
.
..
You get mad when I wake you up; and you also get mad when I don't wake u. So what is that you exactly want from ME?
9- Problem with boys: They make you think they love you, when they don’t.
Problem with girls: They make u think they don’t love you, when they do
10- There is a small gap between confidence and over-confidence,
You can kiss your boyfriend is confidence,
Only you can kiss your boyfriend is over-confidence.
11- Woman sitting on a park bench:
Beggar: Hi Darling! Let's have some fun!
Woman (Angrily): How dare you?
Beggar: Then what are you doing on my bed?
12- News in a local newspaper:
5 boys, aged 23-25 caught in park. They were teasing a 50 years old lady who had gone for a morning walk!
Next day, that park was packed with aunties age between 45-55.
13- A
Girl: Didnt you see the warning? Smoking is injurious to health.
Er.: We bother only about errors & not warnings.
14- After a few drinks man goes naughty, blabbers & shouts like an animal, fights without reasons, demands unnecessarily & simply irritates.
But a woman can do all this without drinks!
15- Teacher: Whoever answers my next question can go home.
Pappu throws bag out of the window.
Teacher: Who threw that?
Pappu: Me, I`m going home.
16- A one line advertisement by a Married Man in a newspaper:
For Sale: Wedding suit, worn only once by mistake.
17- The reason women love military men? It's NOT the uniform. They can cook, clean, make beds and sew, but above all: they know how to follow orders.
18- How would you justify having 2 girlfriends at a time?
Monopoly is always damaging & competition improves service!
19- They say so many people die because of alcohol..
Perhaps they never realized how many of them are born because of it.
20- Mobile phones are the 2nd best thing used 4 gossips,
WOMEN still are ranked 1st.
21- Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
2nd Marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
22- I fear the man who drinks 'water' as he remembers the next morning, what the rest of us said the previous night!
23- Extremely Important News!!! :
Dear friends,
Do not eat Ferrero Rocher or Cadbury Chocolates;
and Haagen Daaz and Ben & Jerry Ice Creams or Magnum products .....
.
.
..
..
WITHOUT ME.
24- Nurse to patient with bleeding head: Your name?
Patient: Santa.
Nurse: Birth Date?
Patient: 28 Feb 1985.
Nurse: Married?
Patient: No Car Accident.
25- 3 Apples changed the world:
1st one seduced Eve,
2nd awakened Newton
and
the 3rd one Apple iphone.
26- A girl fell in love with a boy at 2nd sight, because at 1st sight, she did'nt know that
...
.
.
..
he has Audi Q7!
27- Man meets friend and notices he`s wearing an earring. When did you start wearing earrings?
Friend: Ever since my wife found it in my car.
28- I and my girlfriend are having a communication problem.
Every time I give her a call, her husband answers the phone!
29- What is old age?
When you start turning off lights for economical reasons rather than romantic reasons.
30- There's no such a thing as a happy single women, they are all just wives-in-training.
31- One day God erased a husband's memory & asked: Do you remember anyone now?
He told his wife`s name.
God smiled and said: Reformatted, but still the virus is not removed.
32- Height of Technical Thinking:
A software engineer falling from the roof of a building and shouting-F1 F1 F1, instead of Help Help Help!
33- Teacher: Where is the capital of India?
Pappu: In Swiss Banks...
34- Indian Cricket team also supports Anna Hazare - They have decided not to win even a single Test match, until the Jan Lokpal bill is passed.
35- The best gifts to be given:
To a Friend-Honesty;
To an Enemy-Forgiveness;
To Parents-Gratefulness;
To God-your Life;
To me- your Sony Vaio, iPhone, Car, etc. etc.
36- Your smile can be compared to a flower;
Your voice can be compared to a cuckoo;
Your innocence to a child;
But in stupidity u have no comparison, u r the best.
37- Break-up Letter:
"When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broke-up, I think it's time you keep your promise!
38- In this World:
On an average, a person tells 4 lies/day....1460 a year!!
and the most common LIE is.........
`I AM FINE!`
39- Q: How do you know when a woman is going to say something intelligent?
A: When she starts her sentence with, `My husband told me.`
40- This is not fair! How could u do this? Didn't expect this from you! Got a whole Channel on your name and didn't even tell me?
Animal Planet!
41- Teacher: Why is your nose red?
Johnny: I smelled a b-rose.
Teacher: But there is no "b" in rose.
Johnny: There was in this one!
42- The key to surviving a stock market crash is liquidity.
So I'm off to the bar.
43- Remember 2 remember me, forget to forget me. Even if u try to remember to forget me, I'll never forget to remember to remind u to remember me.
44- Fact of life: One woman brings you into this world crying & the other ensures you continue to do so for the rest of your life!
45- What is the new definition of LIQUIDITY in many countries today?
When you look at your investments and wet your pants.
46- A rabbit runs & jumps and lives only for 15 years. A turtle doesn't run, does nothing, yet lives for 100 years.
Moral: Exercise is hell! Just sleep well!
47- Why couldn`t the Santa write the number `eleven`?
He didn`t know which `one` came first.
48- Two friends were attending a boring lecture.
1st friend: It`s so boring, even my bum has fallen asleep.
2nd friend: I know, I heard it snoring 3 times.
49- Teacher: Write down how will you create a Binary Tree?
Pappu: By sowing a binary seed.
50- What has two grey legs and two brown legs?
An elephant with diarrhoea.
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