1- After eating fish, Santa doesn`t drink water.
Why?
Bcoz he fears that fish will start swimming in his stomach.
2- Judge to pickpocket: Didn`t u notice the wallet u pocketed was someone else`s ?
Pickpocket: I did indeed, ur honor! But the money looked so familiar.
3- At a party someone yelled:
All married guys, please hug the person who has made your life worth living. The bartender almost got crushed.
4- Teacher pointed at Pappu with her ruler and said: At the end of the ruler is an idiot.
Pappu got punished after he asked, `which end?`.
5- Teacher: Why do they refer to nature as a woman?
Pappu: Because no one can know its exact age.
6- Income Tax Officer: You should pay your taxes with smile.
Young Lady: I have tried it thrice, but every time they insist on cash or a cheque.
7- Thief: Quick, the police r coming, jump out of d window.
Accomplice: Bt we are on d 13th floor.
Thief: You idiot, this is no time to be superstitious
8- Superb thought.
For every idiot there is an equal and opposite idiot. They are called husband and wife.
9- Pappu to a friend.
Pappu: I will never depend on my parents again. I asked them to sent Rs 5000/- for an encyclopedia & they sent me the encyclopedia.
10- Fantastic msg by a son-in-law:
Dear Mother-in-law,
Don`t teach me how 2 handle my children, I m living wid one of urs & she needs a lot of improvement
11- A rich blonde girl, was walking by the river in the wild. Suddenly, she saw a crocodile. She screamed, `Oh my God! Help! Lacoste!`
12- Who is never hungry at Christmas?
The turkey - he`s always stuffed.
13- Teacher: Can anybody give me one word for `occurring at the same time`?
Pappu: Sir, Twins.
14- Contemporary Best friend:
When 1 farts, the other says, `Dude this is not fair, you had a momo & u didn`t tell me!
15- Q: What`s so common between air and students?
A: Both turn the pages of book without reading them.
16- A teacher asked his class to give example of coincidence.
Pappu: My father & mother were married on the same day.
17- Examiner: Why did you write the formula in your hand?
Student: Because my teacher said, `Formulas must be on your finger tips`.
18- If you sinned 90 times, you will be caught forty five times.
How?
Because: SIN 90 = COT 45.
19- American: Oh God Give me a room full of gold.
Russian: Oh God! Give me a room full of diamonds.
Indian: Oh God! Give me keys of both the rooms
20- It`s difficult to understand God,
He makes such beautiful things as women and then he turns them into wives!
21- Q: What tablet will the crow take if it gets fever?
A: CROWsin.
22- Written on the T-shirt of a beautiful girl walking on side of the road, `You are not looking at the road right now, be careful!`
23- When things go wrong, when sadness fills your heart, when tears flows from your eyes always say these words... Eh Ganpat, chal daru la…
24- So many options: Poison, sleeping pills, hanging, jumping from a building, lying on train tracks, but we chose Marriage, slow & sure!
25- A man threw his wife in a pond of Crocodiles? He's now being harassed by the Animal Rights Activists for being cruel to the Crocodiles
26- He was a good man. He never smoked, drank & had no affair. When he died, the insurance company refused the claim. They said, he who never lived, cannot die!
27- Friend is `Asian Paints`, jo duniya badal de!
GF is `Everest Masala`, jo taste mein best!
Wife is `Mosquito Coil`, jo kone-kone se dhoon dhoond ke mare!
28- Grandpa to grandkid: Go hide, you bunked school today. Your teacher is here.
Grandkid: You go & hide, I told him you expired.
29- Heated gold becomes ornaments, beaten copper become wires, compressed rocks become diamonds and mentally tortured men become `Best Husbands`!
30- If I ever go for a brain transplant I`d like 2 use ur brain. It's not because u r a genius. I would only like a brain that has never been used.
31- Father to Son: Success is when Signature turns into Autograph.
Son: No Dad, Success is when Signature turns into Black Label or Chivas Regal.
32- True love is like a pillow, u can hug when you are in trouble, you can cry when you are in pain & you can embrace when you are happy. So when u need true love: spend Rs 100 and buy a pillow.
33- In the morning I don't eat because I think of you, at noon I don't eat because I think of you, in the evening I don't eat because I think of you, at night I don't sleep because I am hungry.
34- When you get this SMS, send it to 1 person u love, 1 u hate, 1 u always think of and 1 u wish to kill. Now, keep guessing why I sent it to u.
35- Beauty is not how you look, it is not how handsome you are, it is not your figure too, beauty is the inner self, so change your underwear daily.
36- Life is a paradox-what u want u don't get (love), what u get, u don't enjoy (marriage), what u enjoy is not permanent (GF), what is permanent is boring (wife).
37- Consequences of American life style: The wife rushed into house screaming to her husband: Darling, Come quick! Ur kids n my kids r beating our kids.
38- Last night I saw u walking on the road. U looked so fine, ur face was so divine that I just couldn`t control myself and started singing: `Who let the dogs out`.
39- Man: I want a divorce. My wife hasn`t spoken to me in six months.
Lawyer: Better think it over. Wives like that are hard to get!
40- A happy Boss tells his employees: You worked very hard this year. As a reward, I 'll give everyone a check for Rs 5000. If you work with the same zeal next year, I'll sign those checks.
41- Eyes: To look at you; Hands: To pray for you; Mind: To care for u; Heart: To love you and Legs: To kick u if u forget me.
42- When you are in love, you make wonders happen. Once married, you wonder, what happened.
43- Sometimes my mind asks: Why I miss u? Why I care 4 u? Why I remember u? Then my heart answers: B`coz a mental patient needs more care.
44- I`ve written nice poem 4 you. Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.. You should Know What you R.. & Once you Know What you R.. Mental Hospital is not So Far..
45- Roses r red violets r blue, monkeys like u should be kept in zoo. Don't feel angry u will find me there too, not in cage but laughing at you.
46- There are 4 animal species a woman needs in her life: Jaguar in her garage, mink in her closet, tiger in her bed and of course a donkey to pay her bills!!
47- Little birds in the sky, You look up and it shits in your eye. You don't mind and you don't cry, You just thank God that cows don't fly.
48- What happened 2 your network? I tried 2 call u but the operator said "Welcome 2 the jungle, the monkey u r trying to call is on the tree....Plz try later."
49- God thought that since he couldn't be everywhere he made a mother. Then devil thought that he couldn't b everywhere he made a mother-in-law.
50- Scientists all over the world r wondering how long a human being can live without a brain... Kindly tell them your age...
Why?
Bcoz he fears that fish will start swimming in his stomach.
2- Judge to pickpocket: Didn`t u notice the wallet u pocketed was someone else`s ?
Pickpocket: I did indeed, ur honor! But the money looked so familiar.
3- At a party someone yelled:
All married guys, please hug the person who has made your life worth living. The bartender almost got crushed.
4- Teacher pointed at Pappu with her ruler and said: At the end of the ruler is an idiot.
Pappu got punished after he asked, `which end?`.
5- Teacher: Why do they refer to nature as a woman?
Pappu: Because no one can know its exact age.
6- Income Tax Officer: You should pay your taxes with smile.
Young Lady: I have tried it thrice, but every time they insist on cash or a cheque.
7- Thief: Quick, the police r coming, jump out of d window.
Accomplice: Bt we are on d 13th floor.
Thief: You idiot, this is no time to be superstitious
8- Superb thought.
For every idiot there is an equal and opposite idiot. They are called husband and wife.
9- Pappu to a friend.
Pappu: I will never depend on my parents again. I asked them to sent Rs 5000/- for an encyclopedia & they sent me the encyclopedia.
10- Fantastic msg by a son-in-law:
Dear Mother-in-law,
Don`t teach me how 2 handle my children, I m living wid one of urs & she needs a lot of improvement
11- A rich blonde girl, was walking by the river in the wild. Suddenly, she saw a crocodile. She screamed, `Oh my God! Help! Lacoste!`
12- Who is never hungry at Christmas?
The turkey - he`s always stuffed.
13- Teacher: Can anybody give me one word for `occurring at the same time`?
Pappu: Sir, Twins.
14- Contemporary Best friend:
When 1 farts, the other says, `Dude this is not fair, you had a momo & u didn`t tell me!
15- Q: What`s so common between air and students?
A: Both turn the pages of book without reading them.
16- A teacher asked his class to give example of coincidence.
Pappu: My father & mother were married on the same day.
17- Examiner: Why did you write the formula in your hand?
Student: Because my teacher said, `Formulas must be on your finger tips`.
18- If you sinned 90 times, you will be caught forty five times.
How?
Because: SIN 90 = COT 45.
19- American: Oh God Give me a room full of gold.
Russian: Oh God! Give me a room full of diamonds.
Indian: Oh God! Give me keys of both the rooms
20- It`s difficult to understand God,
He makes such beautiful things as women and then he turns them into wives!
21- Q: What tablet will the crow take if it gets fever?
A: CROWsin.
22- Written on the T-shirt of a beautiful girl walking on side of the road, `You are not looking at the road right now, be careful!`
23- When things go wrong, when sadness fills your heart, when tears flows from your eyes always say these words... Eh Ganpat, chal daru la…
24- So many options: Poison, sleeping pills, hanging, jumping from a building, lying on train tracks, but we chose Marriage, slow & sure!
25- A man threw his wife in a pond of Crocodiles? He's now being harassed by the Animal Rights Activists for being cruel to the Crocodiles
26- He was a good man. He never smoked, drank & had no affair. When he died, the insurance company refused the claim. They said, he who never lived, cannot die!
27- Friend is `Asian Paints`, jo duniya badal de!
GF is `Everest Masala`, jo taste mein best!
Wife is `Mosquito Coil`, jo kone-kone se dhoon dhoond ke mare!
28- Grandpa to grandkid: Go hide, you bunked school today. Your teacher is here.
Grandkid: You go & hide, I told him you expired.
29- Heated gold becomes ornaments, beaten copper become wires, compressed rocks become diamonds and mentally tortured men become `Best Husbands`!
30- If I ever go for a brain transplant I`d like 2 use ur brain. It's not because u r a genius. I would only like a brain that has never been used.
31- Father to Son: Success is when Signature turns into Autograph.
Son: No Dad, Success is when Signature turns into Black Label or Chivas Regal.
32- True love is like a pillow, u can hug when you are in trouble, you can cry when you are in pain & you can embrace when you are happy. So when u need true love: spend Rs 100 and buy a pillow.
33- In the morning I don't eat because I think of you, at noon I don't eat because I think of you, in the evening I don't eat because I think of you, at night I don't sleep because I am hungry.
34- When you get this SMS, send it to 1 person u love, 1 u hate, 1 u always think of and 1 u wish to kill. Now, keep guessing why I sent it to u.
35- Beauty is not how you look, it is not how handsome you are, it is not your figure too, beauty is the inner self, so change your underwear daily.
36- Life is a paradox-what u want u don't get (love), what u get, u don't enjoy (marriage), what u enjoy is not permanent (GF), what is permanent is boring (wife).
37- Consequences of American life style: The wife rushed into house screaming to her husband: Darling, Come quick! Ur kids n my kids r beating our kids.
38- Last night I saw u walking on the road. U looked so fine, ur face was so divine that I just couldn`t control myself and started singing: `Who let the dogs out`.
39- Man: I want a divorce. My wife hasn`t spoken to me in six months.
Lawyer: Better think it over. Wives like that are hard to get!
40- A happy Boss tells his employees: You worked very hard this year. As a reward, I 'll give everyone a check for Rs 5000. If you work with the same zeal next year, I'll sign those checks.
41- Eyes: To look at you; Hands: To pray for you; Mind: To care for u; Heart: To love you and Legs: To kick u if u forget me.
42- When you are in love, you make wonders happen. Once married, you wonder, what happened.
43- Sometimes my mind asks: Why I miss u? Why I care 4 u? Why I remember u? Then my heart answers: B`coz a mental patient needs more care.
44- I`ve written nice poem 4 you. Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.. You should Know What you R.. & Once you Know What you R.. Mental Hospital is not So Far..
45- Roses r red violets r blue, monkeys like u should be kept in zoo. Don't feel angry u will find me there too, not in cage but laughing at you.
46- There are 4 animal species a woman needs in her life: Jaguar in her garage, mink in her closet, tiger in her bed and of course a donkey to pay her bills!!
47- Little birds in the sky, You look up and it shits in your eye. You don't mind and you don't cry, You just thank God that cows don't fly.
48- What happened 2 your network? I tried 2 call u but the operator said "Welcome 2 the jungle, the monkey u r trying to call is on the tree....Plz try later."
49- God thought that since he couldn't be everywhere he made a mother. Then devil thought that he couldn't b everywhere he made a mother-in-law.
50- Scientists all over the world r wondering how long a human being can live without a brain... Kindly tell them your age...
No comments:
Post a Comment