1- Difference between Truth & Lie:
Truth is a Debit Card. Pay 1st & enjoy later.
Lie is Credit Card. Enjoy 1st & pay later with mark-up.
2- Why is there an `Eject` button on the DVD remote?
In any case, one still has to get up and take the disc out. It`s like having a remote to open the fridge!
3- If you look at the sky tonight and notice that the brightest star is missing; I swear, I have no clue how the hell I fell down from the sky. But thank God, I am safe.
4- I am making a list of all things that I ought to do before I die, it`s called `Oughttobiography`.
5- I love work. And if I work, it gets finished. How can I finish something I love? So I keep it pending.
6- I wanted to kill the most sweetest, smartest and most beautiful person on earth. Then I thought SUICIDE is crime under sec 309 IPC.
7- Be careful when a guy tells u that he loves u from the bottom of his heart for this may mean that there's still enough space 4 another girl on top.
8- If u were going to die soon & had only one phone call u could make, who would u call & what would u say? And why are u waiting?
9- When u r down & no one is there, don't think of me. When u r crying & no one is there then too don't just think of me, call me up, my incoming is free.
10- You should do two things in the morning- 1) Pray to God so you can live and 2) have a shower so others can live.
11- Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, small people talk about others & legends never talk, they send SMS
12- A reasent studdi haz shon dat peepal hoo aar vary samaart end gud lukeeng maik manee spallings meestaikes... vaat ees yorr opeeniun?
13- God thought that since he couldn't be everywhere he made a mother. Then devil thought that he couldn't be everywhere he made a mother-in-law.
14- Hi! Need one gal 2 marry... Age no bar, Color no bar, height no bar, caste no bar, but gal's father must have his own bar... CHEERS
15- Someday you may lose your hair, you may lose your teeth, your money & even lose your mind. But one thing you`ll never loose is your good looks because you can`t lose what you don't have.
16- I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you,
I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you
I love you a lot...
I love you like crazy because Maneka Gandhi says love animals !
17- Breaking News:
Sharad Pawar resigns from ICC and accepts the post of Chief Pujari at Padmanaabha Temple, Kerela.
18- Never make the same mistake twice.
There are so many new ones,
Try a different one each day.
19- Best advertising line:
Faithful husband will go straight to heaven & unfaithful husbands will enjoy heaven on Earth. Choice is yours...
20- Two friends were attending a boring lecture.
Friend 1: Even my ass has fallen asleep.
Friend 2: I know, I heard it snoring 3 times.
21- Notice at a Church:
Don't leave ur Purse/Watch/Handbag/Mobile/GIRLFRIEND unattended. Bcoz others may think it`s an answer to their prayers.
22- We are not the only ones who hate a long working week! After Monday and Tuesday, even the calender says, `W Th F`?
23- My dear Government of India, whether you hang Ajmal Kasab or not is your constitutional right, but plz plz protect us like Ajmal Kasab.
24- Double heart attack message by a girl to a boy:
1st Msg: Let`s break up now, it`s all over.
2nd Msg: Sorry, Sorry, Sorry! That was not for you.
25- American farts & says: Excuse me?
Britishers farts & says: Pardon me!
Japanese farts & says: Forgive me but Indian farts & says: Not me!
26- Never get jealous when seeing your ex-girlfriend or boyfriend with another person. Remember we were taught to give our old toys and clothes to the less fortunate.
27- I`m unable to answer my mobile phone at the moment, but if you leave a message, the News of the World will email it to me later.
28- Whenever you have a problem, just start singing your favourite song. You will realize that the problem is better than your voice.
29- Modern Statement:
Save a Girl child, else your son will be forced to be a gay!
30- Girl`s status onFacebook : `Feeling sad!` 17021 comments.
Boy`s status: 'Going to commit suicide!' 2 likes and 1 comment - Think about it dude.... Drop the plan, if you can!
31- A cow was shown during VIVA-VOCE, replies are as under:
Pre-MBBS student: It`s a cow! MD: This may be a cow or a hypo-pigmented buffalo!
DH: This may be a hyper-trophied goat or atrophied elephant with cogenital anomalies.
Moral: Medical education makes a normal person mad.
32- How True.. .A cigarette shortens your life by 2 min, a beer shortens your life by 4 minutes, a working day shortens your life by 8 hours!
33- Well, they do say opposites attract... So I sincerely hope you meet somebody who is attractive, honest, intelligent, and cultured. Gud Day!
34- Two frinds,who hadn't seen each other in several years, met on the street.
1st: Who are u working 4 now?
2nd: Same people, My wife & 4 children.
35- A women's prayer: Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him and Patience for his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for strength, I'll beat him to death!
36- Dog is truly a man's best friend.
If you don't believe it, just try this experiment: Lock your dog and your girlfriend in the boot of the car for an hour.
When you open the boot, which one is really happy to see you?
37- Why women live a better, longer & a peaceful life?
Because, women don't have a wife.
38- Postman: I have to come 5 miles to deliver u this packet.
Santa: Why did u come so far. Instead U could have posted it.
39- A genuine reason for having two girlfriends at a time: Monopoly is always damaging & Competition improves service!
40- How do u identify a truemusic lover ?
A man when hears a woman singing in the bathroom, puts his ear to the keyhole instead of his eye!
41- Two goldfish in a bowl talking: Goldfish 1: Do you believe in God?
Goldfish 2: Of course, I do! Who do you think changes the water?
42- Telling a Lie is a fault for a little boy, an art for a lover, an accomplishment for a bachelor, and a matter of survival for a married man.
43- New Examination Patttern in India (Revised):
General Students: Answer All questions
OBC: Write Any One question
SC: Only read questions
ST: Thanks for coming.
Cheers to Reservation
44- It's wrong that Alcohol makes u fat... It doesn't! It actually makes u LEAN... against bars, poles, walls, friends & strangers! Cheers!
45- How do u identify a true music lover?
A man when he hears a woman singing in the bathroom and puts his ear to the keyhole instead of his eye!
46- When somebody who's deeply in love with you tells you that you're cute, beautiful, and angelic, I agree. That's true, believe me, I swear because love is BLIND!
47- It takes patience to keep a nagging wife; fortune to keep an ambitious wife; four eyes to keep a pretty wife.
48- Sometimes you might catch me staring at you. It's not because you are cute but bcoz my mom told me that devils have tails and I'm just wondering where's yours?
49- Wife: I Have Changed My Mind.
Husband: Thank God ! Does The New One Work Now?
50- A boy goes to a strip club. His mom gets angry & asks him: Did u see anything there that u were not supposed to see?
Boy: Yes, I saw dad!
Truth is a Debit Card. Pay 1st & enjoy later.
Lie is Credit Card. Enjoy 1st & pay later with mark-up.
2- Why is there an `Eject` button on the DVD remote?
In any case, one still has to get up and take the disc out. It`s like having a remote to open the fridge!
3- If you look at the sky tonight and notice that the brightest star is missing; I swear, I have no clue how the hell I fell down from the sky. But thank God, I am safe.
4- I am making a list of all things that I ought to do before I die, it`s called `Oughttobiography`.
5- I love work. And if I work, it gets finished. How can I finish something I love? So I keep it pending.
6- I wanted to kill the most sweetest, smartest and most beautiful person on earth. Then I thought SUICIDE is crime under sec 309 IPC.
7- Be careful when a guy tells u that he loves u from the bottom of his heart for this may mean that there's still enough space 4 another girl on top.
8- If u were going to die soon & had only one phone call u could make, who would u call & what would u say? And why are u waiting?
9- When u r down & no one is there, don't think of me. When u r crying & no one is there then too don't just think of me, call me up, my incoming is free.
10- You should do two things in the morning- 1) Pray to God so you can live and 2) have a shower so others can live.
11- Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, small people talk about others & legends never talk, they send SMS
12- A reasent studdi haz shon dat peepal hoo aar vary samaart end gud lukeeng maik manee spallings meestaikes... vaat ees yorr opeeniun?
13- God thought that since he couldn't be everywhere he made a mother. Then devil thought that he couldn't be everywhere he made a mother-in-law.
14- Hi! Need one gal 2 marry... Age no bar, Color no bar, height no bar, caste no bar, but gal's father must have his own bar... CHEERS
15- Someday you may lose your hair, you may lose your teeth, your money & even lose your mind. But one thing you`ll never loose is your good looks because you can`t lose what you don't have.
16- I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you,
I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you
I love you a lot...
I love you like crazy because Maneka Gandhi says love animals !
17- Breaking News:
Sharad Pawar resigns from ICC and accepts the post of Chief Pujari at Padmanaabha Temple, Kerela.
18- Never make the same mistake twice.
There are so many new ones,
Try a different one each day.
19- Best advertising line:
Faithful husband will go straight to heaven & unfaithful husbands will enjoy heaven on Earth. Choice is yours...
20- Two friends were attending a boring lecture.
Friend 1: Even my ass has fallen asleep.
Friend 2: I know, I heard it snoring 3 times.
21- Notice at a Church:
Don't leave ur Purse/Watch/Handbag/Mobile/GIRLFRIEND unattended. Bcoz others may think it`s an answer to their prayers.
22- We are not the only ones who hate a long working week! After Monday and Tuesday, even the calender says, `W Th F`?
23- My dear Government of India, whether you hang Ajmal Kasab or not is your constitutional right, but plz plz protect us like Ajmal Kasab.
24- Double heart attack message by a girl to a boy:
1st Msg: Let`s break up now, it`s all over.
2nd Msg: Sorry, Sorry, Sorry! That was not for you.
25- American farts & says: Excuse me?
Britishers farts & says: Pardon me!
Japanese farts & says: Forgive me but Indian farts & says: Not me!
26- Never get jealous when seeing your ex-girlfriend or boyfriend with another person. Remember we were taught to give our old toys and clothes to the less fortunate.
27- I`m unable to answer my mobile phone at the moment, but if you leave a message, the News of the World will email it to me later.
28- Whenever you have a problem, just start singing your favourite song. You will realize that the problem is better than your voice.
29- Modern Statement:
Save a Girl child, else your son will be forced to be a gay!
30- Girl`s status on
Boy`s status: 'Going to commit suicide!' 2 likes and 1 comment - Think about it dude.... Drop the plan, if you can!
31- A cow was shown during VIVA-VOCE, replies are as under:
Pre-MBBS student: It`s a cow! MD: This may be a cow or a hypo-pigmented buffalo!
DH: This may be a hyper-trophied goat or atrophied elephant with cogenital anomalies.
Moral: Medical education makes a normal person mad.
32- How True.. .A cigarette shortens your life by 2 min, a beer shortens your life by 4 minutes, a working day shortens your life by 8 hours!
33- Well, they do say opposites attract... So I sincerely hope you meet somebody who is attractive, honest, intelligent, and cultured. Gud Day!
34- Two frinds,who hadn't seen each other in several years, met on the street.
1st: Who are u working 4 now?
2nd: Same people, My wife & 4 children.
35- A women's prayer: Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him and Patience for his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for strength, I'll beat him to death!
36- Dog is truly a man's best friend.
If you don't believe it, just try this experiment: Lock your dog and your girlfriend in the boot of the car for an hour.
When you open the boot, which one is really happy to see you?
37- Why women live a better, longer & a peaceful life?
Because, women don't have a wife.
38- Postman: I have to come 5 miles to deliver u this packet.
Santa: Why did u come so far. Instead U could have posted it.
39- A genuine reason for having two girlfriends at a time: Monopoly is always damaging & Competition improves service!
40- How do u identify a true
A man when hears a woman singing in the bathroom, puts his ear to the keyhole instead of his eye!
41- Two goldfish in a bowl talking: Goldfish 1: Do you believe in God?
Goldfish 2: Of course, I do! Who do you think changes the water?
42- Telling a Lie is a fault for a little boy, an art for a lover, an accomplishment for a bachelor, and a matter of survival for a married man.
43- New Examination Patttern in India (Revised):
General Students: Answer All questions
OBC: Write Any One question
SC: Only read questions
ST: Thanks for coming.
Cheers to Reservation
44- It's wrong that Alcohol makes u fat... It doesn't! It actually makes u LEAN... against bars, poles, walls, friends & strangers! Cheers!
45- How do u identify a true music lover?
A man when he hears a woman singing in the bathroom and puts his ear to the keyhole instead of his eye!
46- When somebody who's deeply in love with you tells you that you're cute, beautiful, and angelic, I agree. That's true, believe me, I swear because love is BLIND!
47- It takes patience to keep a nagging wife; fortune to keep an ambitious wife; four eyes to keep a pretty wife.
48- Sometimes you might catch me staring at you. It's not because you are cute but bcoz my mom told me that devils have tails and I'm just wondering where's yours?
49- Wife: I Have Changed My Mind.
Husband: Thank God ! Does The New One Work Now?
50- A boy goes to a strip club. His mom gets angry & asks him: Did u see anything there that u were not supposed to see?
Boy: Yes, I saw dad!
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