1- Aftr robbing d Bank, robber 2 clerk: Did u see me robbing?
Clerk: Yes.
Robber shot him dead & asked d next clerk: Did u?
2nd clerk: No, But mywife saw u!
2- Why are Egyptian Children always confused?
Because after death, their DADDY becomes a MUMMY
3- Everything about you is perfect - your lips, your skin, your eyes, your body. Perfect! You're lucky to be born beautiful, not like me, who was born to be a big liar.
4- First you forget names; then you forget faces; then you forget to zip up your fly; and then you forget to unzip your fly.
5- Marry and make a woman happy OR remain a bachelor and make several women happy!
6- Do you believe that getting married on a Friday brings bad luck ?
"Of course, why would Friday be an exception?"
7- A pregnant lady went to an astrologer.
Astrologer: When u deliver a baby, baby's father will die.
Lady: Thank god! My husband is safe!
8- At a party, someone yelled: All married guys plz stand next to one person who has made ur life worth living.
The bartender was almost crushed to death.
9- Q: What time is it when most people go to the dentist?
A: Tooth-Hurty!
10- Height of Marwari Kanjusi: Looking for a second Hand Tata NanoCar.......preferably with Gas Kit!!!
11- Doctor to Lady: U r looking so weak and exhausted ! Are U properly taking 3 meals a day as I had advised ?
Lady: Oh my God ! I heard 3 Males per day !
12- Doctor, cut off my dog's tail.
Vet: Why do u want to do that?
Coz my mom-in-law is visiting us & I don't want anything to make her think she's welcomed.
13- Most of my friends are normal, sane, cultured, decent, intellectual & well-behaved persons... Just wanna thank you for breaking the monotony!
14- Police arrestd a drunkard & askd: Where r u goin?
Man: I'm goin 2 listen lecture on ill effcts of drinking.
Cop: Who'll lecture at midnite?
Man: My wife...
15- ILove You is 8 letters long. Then again, so is bullshit.
16- Q: Which type of Women wear Revealing Clothes?
A: Those who don't have Confidence in the Imaginative powers of Men!
17- Law Professor: Which is the most important LAW of Finance for Starting a New Business?
Student: Father-in-Law!
18- Agar aap chahte hain k apke face pe dhool-mitii na lage to Roz subah lagaiye Asian Paints ka Apex Ultima jo dhool-mitti ko tikne na de!
19- What's the biggest pressure for Pak captain when Pak needs 1 run to win in 8 ovrs, with 5 wickets in hand?
Ya Allah!How to speak English in presentation ceremony?
20- Alcohol contain female hormones. Proof: Men gain weight, talk unnecessarily, become extra emotional & stupid, start fighting without any reason.
21- Advice of dentist. "Treat ur girl friend like a toothbrush. Don't let any body else use it, and get a new one every three months.
22- What building has the most stories?
The Library.
23- A teenage boy to his father: Here's my report card and a list I've compiled of entrepreneurs who never finished their High School.
24- Girl announced her engagement to her father.
Father: Does this fellow has any money?
Girl: Oh! Dad, U men r all alike, thats exactly what he asked me about u!
25- Only 20 percent boys have brains, rest have girlfriends!
26- If time doesn't wait for you, don't worry! Just remove the damn battery from the clock and Enjoy life!
27- Education is incomplete without 5 B's
B - Bikes
B - Beers
B - Babes
B - Bunks and the most important
B - Backlogs!
28- Every lady hopes that her daughter will marry a better man than she did and is convinced that her son will never find a wife as good as his father did.
29- Why did Saddam Hussein attack Kuwait?
He had an Arabic baby-sitter, who always used to say 'Keep Quwait, Keep Quwait'.
30- Tension happens in brain and love is felt in heart. Then why do people get heart attack when they are tensed and why people get mad when they are in love?
31- Only once in your life u'll get a right person with whom u'll get married, so, till than keep enjoying with the wrong Ones!
32- Beauty isn't measured by outer appearance and what clothes we wear, but what we are inside. So, try going out naked tomorrow and see the admiration!
33- I pray to God that any person who tries to fuck ur happiness, may his ass begin to itch & his hand grow shorter that he can't reach his ass to scratch.
34- He was a good man. He never smoked, drank & had no affair. When he died, the insurance company refused the claim. They said, he who never lived, cannot die!
35- How 2 catch squirrels?
It's simple. Just climb a tree & sit, Squirrels will come in search of U... U know Y? Coz They Love NUTS!
36- Keeping a place for me in ur heart is ok, but keeping a place for me in your mind mite be dangerous coz people say... I'm MIND BLOWING.
37- My Marriage is Fixed Surprisd?
Dekho free di party da sun k kivein khush hunde ne.
38- The successful marriage depends on one simple equation: Wife having Beauty Secrets and husband having Secret Beauties.
39- There are only 5 things we need in life: Good friends, Good job, Good food, Good sleep & Good _ UCK. Whatever u are thinking... is right. Good Day.
40- True relatives always stand behind u during bad times. Check urmarriage album. All ur relatives were standing behind u!
41- Commerce joke: Do u know y in a couple's photo man is on the right side & woman on the left?
Because as per balance sheet liabilities are on left side and assets on right!
42- Girl anounced her engagement. Father: Does this fellow have any money?
Girl: Oh! Daddy, U men are all alike, that's exactly what he asked me about you!
43- A Solid reason for having two girlfriends at one time: Monopoly is always damaging & Competition improves service!
44- If u don't have a gf/bf, don't have a nice job, don't like partying & dancing, just have a boring life, then don't worry just log on to www.rabba chukk lay.com
45- A cute Nurse came 4 the interview.
Dr: What salary U Xpect?
Nurse: Rs.10,000.
Dr was overjoyed & said: My Pleasure.
Nurse: With pleasure it's 25,000
46- Which is the most confusing day in America?
Thinking?
Still thinking?
Fathers day!
47- In life, never look down on anybody, unless you are getting a lovely view of the cleavage!
48- There are only 5 things we need in life: Good friends, Good job, Good food, Good sleep & GOOD _ UCK. Whatever u are thinking... Is right. Gud Day.
49- Breaking News: Latest sponsor of theIndian Cricket Team: Whisper Ultra.
BCCI felt it appropriate as the team is undergoing its worst PERIOD!
50- Gud looks catch the eyes, but gud personality catches the heart. You are blessed with both! Flattered? Don't Be! It was sent to me, and I just wanted you to read it.
Clerk: Yes.
Robber shot him dead & asked d next clerk: Did u?
2nd clerk: No, But my
2- Why are Egyptian Children always confused?
Because after death, their DADDY becomes a MUMMY
3- Everything about you is perfect - your lips, your skin, your eyes, your body. Perfect! You're lucky to be born beautiful, not like me, who was born to be a big liar.
4- First you forget names; then you forget faces; then you forget to zip up your fly; and then you forget to unzip your fly.
5- Marry and make a woman happy OR remain a bachelor and make several women happy!
6- Do you believe that getting married on a Friday brings bad luck ?
"Of course, why would Friday be an exception?"
7- A pregnant lady went to an astrologer.
Astrologer: When u deliver a baby, baby's father will die.
Lady: Thank god! My husband is safe!
8- At a party, someone yelled: All married guys plz stand next to one person who has made ur life worth living.
The bartender was almost crushed to death.
9- Q: What time is it when most people go to the dentist?
A: Tooth-Hurty!
10- Height of Marwari Kanjusi: Looking for a second Hand Tata NanoCar.......preferably with Gas Kit!!!
11- Doctor to Lady: U r looking so weak and exhausted ! Are U properly taking 3 meals a day as I had advised ?
Lady: Oh my God ! I heard 3 Males per day !
12- Doctor, cut off my dog's tail.
Vet: Why do u want to do that?
Coz my mom-in-law is visiting us & I don't want anything to make her think she's welcomed.
13- Most of my friends are normal, sane, cultured, decent, intellectual & well-behaved persons... Just wanna thank you for breaking the monotony!
14- Police arrestd a drunkard & askd: Where r u goin?
Man: I'm goin 2 listen lecture on ill effcts of drinking.
Cop: Who'll lecture at midnite?
Man: My wife...
15- I
16- Q: Which type of Women wear Revealing Clothes?
A: Those who don't have Confidence in the Imaginative powers of Men!
17- Law Professor: Which is the most important LAW of Finance for Starting a New Business?
Student: Father-in-Law!
18- Agar aap chahte hain k apke face pe dhool-mitii na lage to Roz subah lagaiye Asian Paints ka Apex Ultima jo dhool-mitti ko tikne na de!
19- What's the biggest pressure for Pak captain when Pak needs 1 run to win in 8 ovrs, with 5 wickets in hand?
Ya Allah!
20- Alcohol contain female hormones. Proof: Men gain weight, talk unnecessarily, become extra emotional & stupid, start fighting without any reason.
21- Advice of dentist. "Treat ur girl friend like a toothbrush. Don't let any body else use it, and get a new one every three months.
22- What building has the most stories?
The Library.
23- A teenage boy to his father: Here's my report card and a list I've compiled of entrepreneurs who never finished their High School.
24- Girl announced her engagement to her father.
Father: Does this fellow has any money?
Girl: Oh! Dad, U men r all alike, thats exactly what he asked me about u!
25- Only 20 percent boys have brains, rest have girlfriends!
26- If time doesn't wait for you, don't worry! Just remove the damn battery from the clock and Enjoy life!
27- Education is incomplete without 5 B's
B - Bikes
B - Beers
B - Babes
B - Bunks and the most important
B - Backlogs!
28- Every lady hopes that her daughter will marry a better man than she did and is convinced that her son will never find a wife as good as his father did.
29- Why did Saddam Hussein attack Kuwait?
He had an Arabic baby-sitter, who always used to say 'Keep Quwait, Keep Quwait'.
30- Tension happens in brain and love is felt in heart. Then why do people get heart attack when they are tensed and why people get mad when they are in love?
31- Only once in your life u'll get a right person with whom u'll get married, so, till than keep enjoying with the wrong Ones!
32- Beauty isn't measured by outer appearance and what clothes we wear, but what we are inside. So, try going out naked tomorrow and see the admiration!
33- I pray to God that any person who tries to fuck ur happiness, may his ass begin to itch & his hand grow shorter that he can't reach his ass to scratch.
34- He was a good man. He never smoked, drank & had no affair. When he died, the insurance company refused the claim. They said, he who never lived, cannot die!
35- How 2 catch squirrels?
It's simple. Just climb a tree & sit, Squirrels will come in search of U... U know Y? Coz They Love NUTS!
36- Keeping a place for me in ur heart is ok, but keeping a place for me in your mind mite be dangerous coz people say... I'm MIND BLOWING.
37- My Marriage is Fixed Surprisd?
Dekho free di party da sun k kivein khush hunde ne.
38- The successful marriage depends on one simple equation: Wife having Beauty Secrets and husband having Secret Beauties.
39- There are only 5 things we need in life: Good friends, Good job, Good food, Good sleep & Good _ UCK. Whatever u are thinking... is right. Good Day.
40- True relatives always stand behind u during bad times. Check urmarriage album. All ur relatives were standing behind u!
41- Commerce joke: Do u know y in a couple's photo man is on the right side & woman on the left?
Because as per balance sheet liabilities are on left side and assets on right!
42- Girl anounced her engagement. Father: Does this fellow have any money?
Girl: Oh! Daddy, U men are all alike, that's exactly what he asked me about you!
43- A Solid reason for having two girlfriends at one time: Monopoly is always damaging & Competition improves service!
44- If u don't have a gf/bf, don't have a nice job, don't like partying & dancing, just have a boring life, then don't worry just log on to www.rabba chukk lay.com
45- A cute Nurse came 4 the interview.
Dr: What salary U Xpect?
Nurse: Rs.10,000.
Dr was overjoyed & said: My Pleasure.
Nurse: With pleasure it's 25,000
46- Which is the most confusing day in America?
Thinking?
Still thinking?
Fathers day!
47- In life, never look down on anybody, unless you are getting a lovely view of the cleavage!
48- There are only 5 things we need in life: Good friends, Good job, Good food, Good sleep & GOOD _ UCK. Whatever u are thinking... Is right. Gud Day.
49- Breaking News: Latest sponsor of the
BCCI felt it appropriate as the team is undergoing its worst PERIOD!
50- Gud looks catch the eyes, but gud personality catches the heart. You are blessed with both! Flattered? Don't Be! It was sent to me, and I just wanted you to read it.
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